Most Important Conversation of His Life (to date)

I had an odd conversation with B yesterday and as I have been chewing on it a bit, I read a great post from another Momma blogger who is a great writer, as well as an adoptive mother. Please read her post here if you are interested. Her point is a great one. We have a duty to not just pretend everyone is the same and great, but to discuss with our children that race should not be a deciding factor in whether or not they like someone. By ignoring the issue, our kids may end up making choices that appear racist and eventually evolve into racist choices because we haven't given them the tools to make better choices.

That being said, I am a firm believer in NOT pointing out racial difference for very young kids (about age 4 and younger) but B is in school and nearly 5. He is starting to notice the differences in his classmates as well as in our family.

Yesterday afternoon, B approached me and said that people with different color skin are boring. Since he has NEVER made any comments about skin color in a negative way, I knew we needed to explore his thought process a bit. I asked him to tell me what boring meant. He couldn't. So, I asked him if he would like me to explain what boring meant. He did. Once I gave him my basic definition and a couple of examples, I asked if boring was the word he meant to use. Nope. Not boring. So I asked him to explain to me what he meant. He couldn't and was acting a bit impatient and embarrassed. I told him that this was something we needed to discuss and that, "This may be one of the most important conversations of his life." Ok. A bit heavy for a 4 year old to digest.

I got down and looked him in the eye. We sat on the steps of our living room and I tried to explain to him that just because someone has a different color of hair, eyes, or skin that it is OK. There is nothing bad about being different. He quickly said, "I know that, Mom." He goes to a school that is full of children of many races and nationalities, so I also tossed in that it is OK if someone speaks a different language in their home. Many of his classmates are bilingual or even trilingual, so he hears them talking with their parents and siblings in a multitude of languages every day. I then tried to explain that not very long ago, many grown-ups made bad choices and thought it was OK to hurt someone because they looked different. (I didn't want to scare him and get into the fact that racism is present today, but I wanted him to know that it exists and that it is important to understand that different isn't bad, just different.) I explained that people were treated differently because of how they looked and that the reason we celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was because he worked really hard to change that.

I still don't know the exact point he was trying to make with his original comment. I am not sure if I covered all of the points in an age-appropriate way. But what I do know is that we did talk about it rather than just pretending it doesn't exist.

As heard around our house and car today

As we left school today, the kids shared a series of good-bye hugs and high-fives with F & C. This beautiful big-sister/little-brother combo are both friends from school as well as play group. Every day after we see them, both kids go on and on about their friends. Today, B told me rather spontaneously that not only did he call on her when it was his turn as share time, but that F is his best friend (insert big, cute mama sigh here).

After this wonderful endorsement, G pipes up with, "Love Buddy C, Mama!"

"Do you love your buddy, C, G?"

"Yes, Mama. Do." (another big happy mama sigh here)

On her way to her room to take her nap, G decided she needed to walk downstairs to Daddy's study to see if he was there. He wasn't, but she needed to check not once, but twice. She carried one of her many blankets with her. When I stood at the top of the stairs and told her to come up to her room, she said, "Can't. Too heavy."

"Your blanket is too heavy?"

"Yea, too heavy."

"OK. Why don't you bring it to me and I'll hold it while you walk up the stairs?"

"OK, Mama." She proceeded to walk up the 12 steps to hand me her blanket so she could make the last few without it.

Hole-in-one!

First mini golf hole-in-one in a dayglo course. So proud!

Future Summer Olympian?

"Tah Dah"

When Should We Draw the Line?

As seen this morning in the master bathroom while T & J got dressed.

Heavy

Sorry for the radio silence. If any of you are still reading, thanks. I am feeling totally out of control at the moment so taking time to blog has been low on my priority list. Let me explain.

We are in a state of flux right now. We are trying to decide if we are moving to another state. This would still be a local move, as in T keeps his current job and we attend the same church, but we'll be in a northern suburb instead of a southwesterly suburb. Huge decision with lots of factors to consider. It wouldn't be as difficult, except in our neck of the woods, it is time to enroll B in Kindergarten for next fall. Open Houses to attend. Forms to fill out. Assessment tests to take. Registration fees. So, how many schools do you look at when you may not be living in the same place come September? What if the house is on the market, but not anywhere close to selling? Do you reserve two spots and drop one when the time comes? How many back up spots do you line up? We really want B to attend a larger Catholic school. There aren't a ton of options in the new town, but some that look promising. Of course, my favorite option is just down the road - much closer than his current school. K-12. About to break ground on a new facility. I'd go on and on, but it only makes me sad to think he won't be there.

I have moved several times in my life. However, these moves has always been based on my station in life - off to college, dorm to sorority house, sorority house to live-out apartment, new apartment with first post-college job, newlywed bliss. I have never had to sell a house before - T sold his last home before he proposed to me. We bought this house thinking we'd only ever leave it if he got transfered. This gave me a sense of comfort because with a job transfer, the company (in theory) would help facilitate a sale if it didn't sell on its own. Getting a house ready to sell, especially with kids in the house underfoot, seems like such a daunting task. Most of the projects are things I really should do anyway, so, in a sense, I look forward to getting organized. But the list is long and my available time feels non-existent. Not to mention, T is heading into busy season - including several trips - in the near future.

So, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I don't know if it would be better if the decision was final, because then the reality would set it. I better go get to work. Just looking for a little something like this...the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

Hair oh Hair

B's been growing out his locks for the last year. When two separate people referred to him as a girl in the last few days, I asked him if he wanted a trim or if he was ready for short hair again. Sadly, short hair won. Then again, I think he's adorable either way!

Before

After

We Are Family

Cousin A brought her parents to town in January. We were happy to spend some quality time with our entire clan. Before you get too impressed by the posing above, they were all promised a cookie if they sat and smiled nicely for the photo.